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Empire 35 doodle

24/7/2015

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Thursday 23.07.15

23/7/2015

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Home is where the heart is, that's the saying right? I love living away from home, there's nothing like the feeling of freedom. But I love my home. My parents house in Wolverhampton, is beautiful. They have lived in the same house for 20 years, and have turned our two bed-roomed semi council house into an amazing home, and I will always appreciate how  hard they worked to achieve this. My home is wonderful, its where I've spent every moment of my life, growing and becoming myself up until 2 years ago. My home is where my parents are, its where I studied and laughed with my best friend, its where I learnt to love someone and its where I found confidence in my self as an artist. 
   I've grown up with pets all my life, we've always had cats and dogs and there is a pet cemetery in the back garden with our beloved pets buried in. Daphne, Buffy, Spike, Willow, Stinky, Penny, Fred, Gary, Fungus, Colin, and many more, you were all loved and many were named after Buffy The Vampire characters, I am sorry, I shouldn't have been allowed to name you. For the last decade of my life Neville and Kreacher have been the animals in my life, (again, I'm obsessed with naming pets after fictional characters) and I love them and I urge them to live longer lives because the day I receive that phone call from my parents will be a very sad one. 
   I love my home, and my mothers obsession with pink, I ask you have you ever seen a pinker kitchen, because I think my mother wins. My home is beautiful and peaceful and its a joy and comfort to visit my old room and my parents and not feel the stress of living on my own, in my new life. When I do come home to visit, and it isn't very often that I do, my mother hugs me and my father gives me a wink and I'm on holiday from the responsibility of being an adult. 

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Saturday 18.07.15

18/7/2015

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The best things in life are free, right? I can't say this is right about everything, but right now I'm happy, peaceful and enjoying something completely free. There is nothing better than enjoying nature on a warm sunny day, I love the wind in my hair, the sun on my face and I love the sounds and noises the outside world makes. Sitting in Markeaton Park, there are animals everywhere, surrounding me and it honestly feels like i'm in a Disney movie; Dragonfly's, Rabbits and Ducks, everywhere. Not that I mind, I really love ducks, I consider myself Queen of the Ducks. But anyway, outside in a big park, like Markeaton Park or West Park, its my favourite thing, to be enjoying something that needs no money to be enjoyed, its a free feeling, pun intended. 
I spent most of my childhood outdoors, if it was a hot sunny day my mother would lock me and my cousins outside to 'enjoy the weather' I'm sure she just preferred having the house to herself instead of having four screaming children inside our tiny two bed-roomed semi. My cousins and I would hate being left outside in my boring ass garden, we would always sing really badly to make it rain, so my mother would un-lock the doors again. 
I'm trying to heal myself, my mind, my anxieties. Meditation is peaceful, for me its imagining the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. My social anxiety can control my life sometimes, it can decide whether I speak in a situation where I need to, it can decide if I leave the house and face the world. My social anxiety is a monster and I hate it. Meditation for me is being outside, its sitting in a park and feeling the wind in my hair and the sun on my face. 
When there is just me, my camera and the outdoors, I am happy, I can cope, I can be at peace and feel productive,  I am healing my mind, I am meditating. 


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Tuesday 14.07.15

14/7/2015

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I love wearing make-up. I love playing different parts of myself. I can be glam emo Paige or subtle girl-next-door Paige. I adore make-up. I would be in awe of my mother as I watched her sit in front of her giant mirror to work on her masterpiece. Because that's what my mothers make-up was, it was art, symmetrical and perfect. She was fierce, scary and beautiful all at the same time, (and still is I might add.) Even now when I smell bronzed powder I am instantly reminded of my mother and grandmother. 
    When I first started to wear make-up I would sneak into my parents bedroom and use all of my mothers make-up, and she has a lot, and I thought more was best. I caked my face completely in everything I could get my hands on. My mother would get so angry because my experimentation's with her make-up had ruined it. Eyeliners were used as lip-liners, blush as eye-shadow and my all time favourite, which I point out I didn't figure out until I was 15, concealer as lipstick (initially I thought that it was a very pale lipstick which I couldn't pull off.) The first time my mother taught me how to use make-up she showed me how to smooth in my foundation lines and would tell me stories of my aunties bright orange line around her neck and from that moment on-wards I would smooth my hands down my neck in fear of the orange line.  
   I love not wearing make-up. I love the feeling of a fresh clean moisturised face and still feeling beautiful. Going out for a walk and feeling the wind on my bare face is an amazing feeling. My mother has a soft beautiful face, as amazing as she looks with makeup, she is the embodiment of woman and I will always appreciate her teaching me that I don't need make-up to be beautiful, an ideal every person should have. My face is a canvas and whether I paint it or not, I feel beautiful inside and out. The most important thing that I tell myself is FUCK YOUR BEAUTY STANDARDS. 
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Sunday 12.07.15

12/7/2015

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Untitled series #1

Why is she naked?
This will always be the first question I am asked when someone see's my work. Usually I will answer with a question such as 'Why shouldn't she be naked?' I have always enjoyed taking pictures of myself, I am what some may call a 'Selfie Queen'. I detest being called vain, people constantly shame people for taking pictures of themselves. If you like what you see, take a picture. I like my appearance and I am not ashamed to say it, I take selfies and I think I look
'Hella Fine', I'd rather not hear all the reasons why you think I'm not, because your opinion means jack to me, and I will not conform to your beauty standards. I like myself. 
I take pictures of women who love themselves. They're not ashamed or un confident they know they look damn fine. The work that I explore isn't to please peoples senses. its to get them to see a naked woman un-censored and to be un-ashamed to see it. There are naked men everywhere. On the TV, in the gym and on the street. Naked men who we are not shocked by and cringe away in fear of nipple. But a breastfeeding woman in a cafe. OH DEAR LORD. COVER IT UP. WHY ARE YOU SO DISGUSTING. YOU'RE SUCH A SLUT. Honestly I could go on, but I wont, because it is too ridiculous to talk about.
Its 2015 honey, #FREETHENIPPLE  
So 'Why is she naked?' Women were made to feel ashamed of being naked, we should cringe and cover up because 'eek our modesty' F*CK YOU. She is naked because why the hell shouldn't she be. 
 
 Holmes out.



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Saturday 11.07.15

11/7/2015

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Another end to another week and it still seems like there's so much left of summer. But in eight weeks I'll be groaning about getting ready to go back to the brilliant Brit Mill Studios. Especially as now I live an extra 10 minutes away from uni, and I'll now have to make a half an hour walk to the dreaded place. The atmosphere in the studios can be insane, it can be scary and above all it can be overwhelming. The amount of work that each person has to produce is enormous, and it can seem that we're all competing against each other to have the most journals. When someone asks you and you shyly say you've almost finished your first journal, when in reality you've barely gotten half way through a slim notebook. You can't understand how someone can  perform so amazingly. You're jealous and ambitious all at the same time because you're still not sure if what you are doing, or creating is art, and you're sure as hell not a painter or a sculptor and photography seems like an easy option? Although it's not, it's certainly not, it's confusing as hell, because you're terrified of being an amateur porno photographer because you take naked lady pictures and anyone who is the tiniest bit uncultured just laughs at them and remarks 'BOOBS'. It's incredibly hard being a fine art student, don't believe it's easy because there isn't exams, the whole course is an exam, of how to not fuck up your career and actually produce anything that's worthy of something. The most terrifying thing about the future is knowing what you actually want to do, and not knowing how you will make it there. 

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Trying not to procrastinate?

9/7/2015

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After finishing my second year, my work has come to a standstill. I'm wasting my summer on Netflix and being intoxicated. I want to explore my photography work, get closer to my work and feel a strong connection to what I hope will help progress my third year work. I've always been fascinated with taking photos, the first time I acquired a phone with a camera I took as many pictures as the crappy phone would allow, and deleted them and took another lot. If you know me, you'll know I take an enormous amount of pictures of myself. Some people would call that vain, but honestly I couldn't give a shit. I like my appearance, and what some people may just see my 'selfie' I can see 100 new things about myself that I haven't yet discovered. My point being, I enjoy taking photos more than anything, its the most visually pleasing way I can convey my feelings to others. Now to actually say what I want to do, or rather what I want to do with the rest of my jobless summer. I would like to explore self photography, through my eyes, what I see, what I do, what I feel. So every couple of days I'll be posting a couple of photos of a certain day, and what I've found visually pleasing, aesthetic in that day. You could think of it as a photographic diary, there will most likely be quite a few images of 'Sookie' the cat and myself. Hopefully this body of work will enthuse me to go outside? I'm making no promises, but ill try. So here's today, I hope you like it, and if you don't, well that's okay too. Jks. Best like this shit.

  

Thursday 9.7.15 

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